Frustrated? Compassionately flip the script.

Frustrated. That is the only way to put it. Disgusted, cranky, and ready to throw my hands up, and this child out of my room.  After redirecting this child for what feels like the 12,287th time, I have had it.

“Put that down.”

“Stop touching him.”

“Who should you be taking care of right now?”

That is exactly the point I reached. At that moment, I had two options.

1. Freak out. React just as most adults have for this child. Reinforce the negative behavior with negative behavior. “Goodbye! Don’t let the door hit you. Go and be someone else’s problem.
2. I can pause, and try to look at the student’s actions, and the conditions that gave rise to this behavior. This comes from learning and understanding this student as a person, not just as someone that is driving me bananas at the moment. It is the conditions that led to this situation, not just the end result. Knowing the elements of that student’s life allows me to see the conditioned nature of their actions. A little deep breath, a little empathy, and a response that they do not expect. Mine was simple. I walked over, sat down, a quietly said “It seems like you are in a rough place right now. We can get through this together. It is important to me that you are here, and you are safe. What do you need from me?”

You can imagine the surprised look when this student, who had determined that being booted out was inevitable, got the opposite response that they expected. There was this unexpected moment of clarity, where this person, as a person, was being asked to reflect on their needs in the moment. What was their narrative? How did they get to this place? What would help them in that moment?

I am not forgiving the behavior, but I will address it when this student is back in a headspace conducive to learning and processing. Through moments like this, I have learned that a small act of being present for someone else can foster a relationship that allows the student to feel valued as a member of the classroom. Through this relationship, true student-centered learning can begin.